Considering this is my first career blog post, I'd appreciate if the fans ease me in with some kind words. Well, that's enough of that. Since when has golf become an athletic sport?!? Golf has always been my retirement plan. I figure I'm 23 now, so if I play a few times a week that the senior tour can't be too far out of reach. But, no. Now we have guys like Tiger and even Phil that look like linebackers. Seriously, who introduced Phil Mickelson to a weight room? And Rory McIlroy has become a sensation at the tender age of 22 (a bit ahead of me in route to the senior tour). I suppose I'm just living in the past where all it took to be a good golfer was some goofy pants and a fat ass.
| You should talk to my neighbor the accountant |
This is why my favorite golfer has to be Keegan Bradley. In just his second year on the PGA tour, this skinny bastard is off to a nice looking career ahead of him. In 10 events played this year, he has nine top-25 finishes to go with three top- 10 finishes. Still looking for his first win of the season, he has settled for a 2nd place finish at the Northern Trust Open and a 4th place finish to begin April at the Shell Houston Open. The kid is good. He currently sits at a world rank of 20 which I feel to be quite respectable.
Sorry, I got off topic there. Let's talk about my round today and how Bubba Watson needs to watch out for this guy! Who on earth named that little dude "Bubba"? Terrible. At this point, any round that I don't lose a ball goes down as a victory. I can't figure out how those pros do it. Maybe we should master mini golf? That is if you can stand watching 13 year old kids go on their first dates which are always awkward, yet inappropriate at the same time... you know what I mean. They won't speak to one another for nine holes, then lick each others faces instead of the ice cream mom just paid for.
So can we please get some more slobs like John Daly and Jason Dufner on the tour to give everyone else hope? Even these golfers seem to defy the barrier of "slump busters". Every guy on the 18th hole on a Sunday has some babe of a wife watching the last putt. Even Matt Kemp had to dump Rihanna before he got good. The PGA tour is living proof that the guys from "The Big Bang Theory" aren't wasting their time after all.
| I may smell weird but we did write the karma sutra :) |
Using baseball as an example, the only way to break a slump is to hook-up with a lady who weighs more than your current batting average. Why do you think 90% of the All-Stars are single? Ryan Braun got Herpes just to ensure another good season. Now that is dedication! A-Rod and Jeter may be linked to celebrities, but let's be real, they both have fatties lined up like their door mat is made of cake.
| All the peach cobbler you can eat for a hitting streak |
Before I close, I feel it might be important to note that NBA players' opinions on women really don't count. Just ask Lamar Odom. If Khloe Kardashian and Lamar have a baby, it will come out as an exact replica of Demarcus Cousins. In a nutshell, these new-age golfers really are better than us. At everything. So I for one am taking a stand by continuing to suck at golf. And I hope the rest of you follow my lead. Not that you have a choice because everyone I have ever met has a slice worse than the one on master shredder's face. All in all, it has been an exciting golf season thus far and I'm excited to keep watching/playing.
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