Boston Legend Set to Retire

David "Big Papi" (Cookie Monster?) Ortiz has announced that he will retire following the 2016 season, bringing an end to an illustrious career. Now that the finish line is in sight for Ortiz, the big question is the Hall of Fame. Is David Ortiz a Hall of Famer? The short answer is "yes," but currently no designated hitters have been voted into the Hall of Fame, the position that Ortiz has spent most of his career. The camps are divided between those that think he should get in (right) and those who think he should not (wrong). For those who don't want Ortiz in the Hall of Fame, the argument revolves around suspected PED (performance enhancing drug) use, merely serving as a designated hitter, and hatred of Dominicans. Those who believe Ortiz belongs in baseball's magical list of names point out his massive home run total (503 as of the end of 2015) and his spectacular postseason displays while leading, scratch that, winning the Boston Red Sox 3 World Series titles. Clearly Ortiz's impact on the Red Sox and this generation of baseball merit him induction into the Hall of Fame now. Let's take a look at why.

First, let's address the PED allegations. When asked if he used any illegal substances, Ortiz says he didn't. So Ortiz is clean. Now let's look at designated hitters. Currently no DHs have been voted into the Hall of Fame including Edgar Martinez. The designated hitter position is often frowned on because it is located not on the field, but rather on the bench. Most people opposing the induction of a DH into the Hall of Fame are old school, die hard National League curmudgeons who think that the DH is an abomination to the game. What these people fail to recognize are the 277 games Ortiz has made appearances at first base, his career .990 fielding percentage and -4.4 UZR/150. Ortiz has played 2,161 inning in the field, the exclusive DH argument conveniently dismisses all of Ortiz's defensive prowess. And lastly on the hater's reasons for disallowing Ortiz's membership in the great Hall of Fame, we need to be respectful of everyone's nationality.

Ortiz's regular season numbers speak for themselves: 503 homers, 1,641 runs batted in, 15 stolen bases, .284 career batting average, wOBA of .390 and wRC+ of 138. What puts Ortiz over the top are his godly postseason performance. We all know about the 3 World Series championships he won all by himself in 2004, 2007, and 2013. In all three World Series winning runs, Ortiz literally won all stages of the postseason by himself, batting leadoff through nine while pitching every game with no relief. Most notably are his extra inning heroics in 2004, walk off 3-run bomb off K-Rod in 2007, and grand slam in game 2 of the ALCS in 2013.

Ortiz after his walk off blast against K-Rod in 2007

Ortiz game tying/series altering grand slam

However, no one ever mentions Ortiz's other legendary postseason exploits. In the 2003 ALDS against Oakland, the Red Sox won a thriller in 5 games with Ortiz going 2 for 21 (.095 average). Or in 2005 when the Red Sox got swept by the Chicago White Sox despite Ortiz driving in 1 run. Then in 2008 the Red Sox again reached the ALCS with Ortiz hitting .235 and driving in 1 run in the division series, and producing another 4 runs in the championship series while hitting at a .154 clip against the division rival Tampa Bay Rays. How would the Red Sox have managed to get swept in the 2009 division series against the Angels without Ortiz going 1 for 12 (.083 average) while batting in a whopping 0 runs. The evidence is overwhelmingly in Ortiz's favor. The greatest hitter in baseball postseason history.

Since joining the Red Sox in 2003, Ortiz has graced the wonderful city of Boston with much more than his presence. In 2003 alone the AIDS Action Committee was established, the Leonard P. Zakim Bunker Hill Memorial bridge opened and Anime Boston started. Ortiz was a founding member of all three. In 2004, not only did Ortiz bring a World Series championship to Boston for the first time since 1918, but held moderated the 2004 Democratic National Convention in July. In 2005 Ortiz helped establish the Boston Derby Dames and warned the Big Dig of a potential ceiling collapse. His warning was ignored and in July of 2006 that ceiling collapsed.

Then in 2007 Ortiz established a Sister City relationship with Valladolid, Spain while rebuilding the Charles/MGH MBTA station. Ortiz took off a few years focusing exclusively on baseball, but came back hard in 2011 where he occupied and then unoccupied Boston, saved Massachusetts from Hurricane Sandy in 2012, united Boston in 2013 with the greatest speech ever and later got 5 additional years added to Whitey Bulger's two life sentences.

Ortiz has had an illustrious, godly, superhuman-like career in Boston, but it's clear his powers are beginning to dwindle judging by the snowstorm that hit Boston last year. What is not debatable is Ortiz's Hall of Fame standing. Ortiz is without a doubt a pre-ballot Hall of Famer who should have been elected into the magical list of names yesterday. The Hall of Fame is Ortiz's f*cking list.

Running Diary: WBC 2013 Semi-Final "Netherlands" vs Dominican Republic

8:40pm EST- Damn it, I'm probably a night too late on doing this.  In the wake of the excitement of Puerto Rico knocking off Japan last night I decided I might as well do a running diary of tonight's game for the fun of it.  While they do some over the top presentation of the flags of all our losers I am going to clarify that I put Netherlands in quotations in the title because this team is mostly players from Curacao, and I am going to give them credit for it.  As far as I'm concerned this is DR vs Curacao, a la the Little League World Series.

8:43- Lineup time!  Bert Blylevin is a pitching coach for Curacao!?  You have my attention Netherlands.  I was really hoping to see Boegarts, Simmons and Profar (its like a prospect all-star team!) in the same infield but this Schoop dude is playing instead at third, I'll tolerate it for now but there better be a sub eventually.  Simmons, Profar and Bernadina to start then Andruw Jones in the 5 hole, its possibly better than Puerto Rico's lineup.

8:47- Now the Dominican lineup, I don't understand whats going on because they are announcing it all in Spanish, all I've gathered so far is Erick Aybar is on the bench and Octavio Dotel is wearing what might be his 2,000th different uniform.  AND FERNANDO RODNEY HAS A PLANTAIN!  I was going to comment about how much the players love the peace sign but then Rodney decided to take a plantain on the field!  Reyes, Tejada, Cano, Encarnacion, Ramirez, Cruz, Santana, Sierra and De Aza, goddamn.  They only way they can fail through Edinson Volquez, who almost blew it for them against Italy less than a week ago.

Plantains even show up that hat tilt.

8:56- Funny, all three of the National Anthems they played seemed to sound a lot like my dog barking at something out the window right next to my ear...

8:57- Whats the deal with Lou Seal?  Wearing orange and sitting near the Curacao bench.  That is rather unprofessional for a mascot at a neutral ballpark.

9:00- I know most of my music comes directly from playing FIFA, but damn if the WBC didn't just inform me that Phoenix released a new album!  I have also just now decided that I'm going to count how many times they force a plug for MLB Now with Harold Reynolds and Brian Kenny.

This is the new Phoenix album cover.  Hoping they covered PotUSA's "Peaches"

9:07- Seeing the Curacao lineup written out, it has 7 righties, a lefty and a switch hitter...  But here we go!  First pitch Volquez to Andrelton Simmons is a ball up and in as Simmons faked bunt.  Let's get this rolling!

9:15- First two batters walked... This looks familiar.

9:19- First out recorded on a comebacker to the mound, didn't try to go for two so men on second and third with one out.  Then a grounder to short brings the first run in, I'd be happy if I was Curacao.

9:23- The announcer just says "You could almost call this Curacao vs the Dominican Republic" then Andruw Jones promptly pops up a ball causing Moises Sierra to make an awesome catch jumping into the crowd (The announcers later gave the apt comparison to the Sierra catch to the Bartman play in 2003).  Got out of the inning with only one run scored, I'd be happy if I was the Dominican Republic.

Curacao actually has a really cool flag.

9:32- Two pretty quick outs and Robinson Cano steps up rocking some numbers I haven't seen since MVP Baseball 2005.  And before the 1-2 pitch MLB Network cut to one of the coolest graphics I've ever seen, showing the shift by comparing the positions to the standard by distance, the right fielder was about 50 feet out of position.  Cano ultimately pads his stats with a single roped up the middle.

9:36- Encarnacion grounds to third to end the inning.  After an inning I'm pretty disappointed, too many empty seats, too few wacky drums and horns in the background.  Maybe the proximity from the DR and Miami pampered me in the last round, it was really cool.

9:46- Between receiving a geography lesson on what makes up the "Kingdom of the Netherlands" and realizing Edinson Volquez is pretty good when he can hit the strikezone, absolutely nothing of interest happened.  1-2-3 inning.

9:53- Once I'm starting to think the pitchers are just giving bases away, Hanley Ramirez gets picked off and Nelson Cruz grounds out softly on a 3-1 count within seconds.  This inning just took a quick turn for Curacao, who I'm now admitting have awesome uniforms.

9:58- There was just a Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy commercial, I'm not sure if I'm more confused that they had a commercial or that I could identify the background music as "Lovely Cup" by Grouplove.

10:05- Volquez rolling.

10:08- Bottom of the 3rd and they just make the first plug for MLB Now, I think someone must have told them to cool their jets over the last week.

10:11- They just showed a graphic of the potential Dominican Republic lineup made completely from players not on the Dominican roster, it is scary how much talent is out there.  And Miguel Tejada pops up a bunt to end the inning.  Wait a second... Miguel Tejada is 38 years old and never stole more than 11 bases in a year, why is he bunting with two outs?  (Fangraphs says he has a 50% career rate on bunting for hits.)

10:15- As we return to the game the announcers are postulating that Tejada forgot how many outs there were, that's pretty bad.

10:21- Two outs in the 4th, finally Curacao gets their first hit.  None other than Andruw Jones!  It's pretty short lived as the inning ends two pitches later.

10:26- Robinson Cano has 4 more hits than anybody else in the tournament, also I'm starting to hear the silly horns again!  It doesn't help, this Markwell dude is rolling.

10:36- Can anybody get a hit with less than two outs?  All four hits thus far came with two outs.  Cut to Fernando Rodney, who is still holstering the plantain in the inside pocket of his jacket.  Which they have explains as his "rally plantain" which he will start shaking if they need a run.  I sure hope this game continues like this so the Dominicans will need that run.

10:47- Uh oh, Carlos Santana grounds one just inside the third base line for a one out double.  Rodney must be shaking his plantain!

10:48- Moises Sierra makes those back-to-back doubles to tie the game at 1.  Needless to say Diegomar Markwell is no longer cruising.

10:56- Full count on Jose Reyes with 2 outs, I truthfully thought it was over.  Reyes bloops one into shallow center to take a 2-1 lead.  Curacao might be on the ropes now.

10:59- Tejada almost rips Markwell's head off with a single, men on the corners for Cano.  There's a pitching change and the Dominicans are likely to do the same in the top of the inning with their stellar bullpen.  Curacao is definitely on the ropes now.

11:02- Stuifbergen!!  The pitching change results in a run off a wild pitch in the first pitch.  Curacao is beyond the ropes (if that even means anything), they wisely choose to intentionally walk Cano now.

11:06- They finally get out of the inning on an Edwin Encarnacion single where they were able to catch Cano going for third, problem is Tejada already scored the 4th run.  This is big trouble in little Curacao.

Because Kurt Russell improves everyting!

11:13- Cano flashing some leather to get Bernadina!  This game may be over.

11:32-  The Dominicans just had the longest offensive half of an inning to only get one baserunner.  Through 6 innings 4-1 DR.

11:36- They just showed 2004 Little League World Series footage, which is probably when I first learned what Curacao was.  Both Jurrickson Profar and Jonathan Schoop were on that team!  There is hope yet for Curacao.  

11:40- Not a ton of hope though, seventh inning stretch time.

11:48- Jose Reyes strikes out, this is relevant because it is the first Dominican batter to strike out thus far.  The Dominicans get a few baserunners in the inning, including Cano getting intentionally walked again but made nothing of it.

11:59- Now Pedro Strop comes in for the DR and takes care of the bulk of the Curacao lineup with ease.

12:02- We can an actual player from Holland now!  His name is Loek Van Mil and he is 7 feet tall!  In other news, Rodney is warming up for next inning, and unfortunately he has lost his plantain to do so.  

12:09- Busy inning for Andrelton Simmons at short, boy does that guy have a strong arm.  Strong armed shortstop for the Braves, can't help but be reminded of young Rafael Furcal!

What cool socks!

12:12- Fernando Rodney comes in, this should be over.  Andruw Jones pops it up to Cano, this is probably over.  

12:15- There are so many seagulls flying around I can barely see whats going on as they keep flying in front of the screen, I could barely see Rodney strike out Curt Smith, this game is basically over.  

12:16- For some reason it seems fitting that this whole game will come down to Jonathan Schoop.  He buys some time by fouling the first pitch into Carlos Santana's domepiece.  Schoop goes down looking, happy birthday Fernando!

12:19- This game went pretty much exactly as would have been expected.  I'm going to bed now, maybe I'll do this again for the final tomorrow.

A Moment of Extreme Self-Awareness

It's a couple of days until pitchers and catchers report!  So not only am I using MATLAB to do calculations on a 2,386x9 matrix (it takes over a minute to create this matrix) so I can take guesses at each teams' winning percentages, but I am also doing a quick look over each depth chart to take some guesses based off gut instinct.  This isn't about my thoughts on the whole (Washington and Atlanta may be among the most complete teams I have ever seen, but I am totally biased) but rather something I noticed when looking at one specific team.  Lets see if you notice it as immediately as I do.

Do you see it?  If you don't, allow me to zoom in.

Yes, the New York Yankees bullpen is currently no more than just Mariano Rivera all on his own.  This might be one of the best managerial decisions I have ever seen!  They have effectively been just Mariano Rivera for over a decade now, not only that, but I could go even further and say their bullpen has been Mariano Rivera's cutter for the last decade.  Why not just accept this fact and cut everybody from the team and let him stand alone, the man is easily the best relief pitcher in history, and even though he spent all of last year on the DL, even though I am a Red Sox fan, even though he is 43 years old, I can say that it is more than likely the best closer in baseball.  This frightens me to no end, and I really wish they would try to go into the season with this setup for two reasons.  First, I am imagining the random cuts to the bullpen that are often showed in TV broadcasts and you just see Rivera sitting all alone with his bullpen catcher shooting the shit, not another soul to be seen.  Second, it makes it a little bit easier to watch the following video and pretend its Joe Girardi singing instead of Michael Bolton.

(Note: I wanted to go with this video originally)

This has done nothing but get me even more excited for baseball season starting back up, I'll be back with my results on my predictions when they are finished and I might even talk about the WBC if I can manage to find a way to watch it.  Goodbye everybody, and wonder to yourself, how are you supposed to live without Mariano Rivera?

Pique Confused?

Extremely reliable source Goal.com has reported that Barcelona center back, Gerard Pique, has claimed that current Real Madrid trainer, Jose "The Special One" Mourinho, got away with "murder" last year. Pique pointed out that  Mourinho poked Tito Villanova in the eye. However, ongoing investigations suggest that the infamous eye poke had nothing to do with Tito's battle against cancer. The leading culprit for Tito's cancer is in fact New York Yankees third baseman, Alex Rodriguez. Pique is not to blame for this misunderstanding, though. Clearly he was confused by the story recently breaking from the National Football League regarding Ray Lewis' retirement. The National Football League has been a major distraction to all other sports in Europe following the wild success of the National Football League's annual single game in London each season. Not only do foreign fans not understand what's going on during the game, but they have become increasingly interested in the drama, such as Ray Lewis' retirement, a story that has clearly had a lot of meaning to Gerard Pique, even if he thought they were reporting on Jose "The Special One Mourinho."

They accused me of what?

One of the stories that makes up Ray Lewis' illustrious career has to do with a double murder and a bloody suit, belonging to Mr. Lewis, that has gone missing probably never to be seen again. Neither Jose Mourinho or Ray Lewis got away with murder last year, Mr. Pique, but Ray Lewis probably got away with murder years ago. Pique, most likely distracted by his girlfriend Shakira's hips because they don't lie, must have caught only part of the story and, just like every other Barcelona player or fan, thought that the negative news was about Satan's imp over in Madrid, Jose Mourinho.

Have you seen my girlfriend's hips?

While Mourinho has not been interviewed about Pique's allegations yet and the mix up with the Ray Lewis story, it is beyond reasonable doubt that Jose would respond with "who is Ray Lewis?" and then ask Pique where his 2011/2012 La Liga trophy was. Real Madrid fans have rallied by claiming that Cristiano Ronaldo, CR7, is the best player in the world, and Barcelona fans have countered with "91."

So goes the never ending feud between Barcelona and Real Madrid...

Inept Football!!

Although I am usually a baseball writer for this blog, I decided after this weekend of playoff football I need to write about it. I have never experienced a series of playoff games that have ever been as uninteresting as the ones I just saw.  I usually expect when watching playoffs of any sport that there is going to be some sense of talent or anticipation or even excitement, but rather I spent hours of my weekend waiting for the games to end.  Let's look at how each game managed to bore me.

Game 1: Houston 19 Cincinnati 13
I never thought this game ever had any hope of being entertaining, when I saw it was going to happen I thought "haven't we seen this before?" Yes, we had seen this before and it was almost entertaining because I was drinking and Arian Foster was running fools over left and right.  This time I wasn't drinking and actually watched the first part of the game at a local pizza joint, which probably makes for the best part of the game.  While Toninho and I were waiting for our delicious Hawaiian pizza to come to us, some random guy and other people with him come in and occupy the booth next to us, I chose the booth in the far corner for a reason.  Anyways, the guy was all sorts of pumped to see the outcome of this game and I believe was interested in seeing the Texans lose, I know this because he talked to everybody in his local vicinity about this and even enlightened Toninho and I with this amazing insight, "if the Texans lose, they're going home!"  Thank whichever deity you choose that we had him to explain to us how the NFL playoffs worked, despite the fact that anybody who gave a damn about what he said would know that already.  Anyways, we ate our pizza and watched the game at my house.  Arian Foster kicked ass again, there were a ton of field goals and Cincinnati had negative passing yards in the first half.  Yup, that's some inept football courtesy of Andy Dalton.  But at least there was another game coming up!

No look pass?

Game 2: Green Bay 24 Minnesota 10
Looking back I can't believe the score was as close as it was, this game never appeared to be even vaguely close.  Especially since Minnesota discovered their mediocre quarterback, Christian Ponder was too hurt to be able to play, and their coach decided to start backup Joe Webb because they wanted to "rest him up for next week" (the quote is probably not exact but he definitely said something along those lines.)  Here's some background knowledge on Joe Webb, he had not thrown a pass in about 2 years, the only positive thing they could say about him is that he runs a 4.4 second 40 yard dash and, as far as I'm concerned, his greatest achievement is having jumped over 7 bags during his combine.  The eleven points Green Bay were giving were obviously too few as once again we were in range of having a team go into halftime with negative passing yards (something we were told only happened one other time in NFL playoff history), there is no way they had much more than 4 though.  It was at this time we went to a bar and I paid much less attention to the game.  I would occasionally look up at the TV and see Webb alternate between throwing the ball 12 yards too far or 12 yards too short.  I'm sure the Packers played fine, but I was left wondering how Joe Webb could possibly be a professional quarterback who was so bad at his job, I'm not sure whether or not I want to see him get another chance.

Speaking of another chance...

Game 3: Baltimore 24 Indianapolis 9
To make some excuses for the first set of games, nobody was expecting them to be entertaining.  I figured I would have a fun night on the town, wake up and enjoy the games that were supposed to be good.  This first game was rife with subplot, probably the best defensive player I have seen in my life was potentially playing the last game of his career at home in the playoffs (not as emotional as Chipper's last game in October, by the way) against the first overall pick rookie quarterback and their cancer survivor head coach.  The drama was palpable and there was no way the game couldn't be entertaining!  Sure as hell this turned out to be one of those low scoring games, and in football a low scoring game usually means it is really sloppy and this game followed the trend.  Joe Flacco was doing Joe Flacco things, I can't remember if Ray Rice ever came on the field and, worse yet, Andrew Luck must have been so nervous he was drenching the ball with his sweat, I can't think of another reason his receivers would have dropped 9 passes with those flypaper gloves.  Anyways, the result of this game was a whole lot more field goals, another week of hearing about how this may be Ray Lewis's last game and another few hours of commercials and boring football, but at least I got to see the following commercial a few times!

 Game 4: Seattle 24 Washington 14
I was excited for this game, even through the boring games before it, I kept watching knowing that I''ll get to see RG3 and Russell Wilson battle it out in the last game of the weekend.  There was no way this game could let me down, especially since Griffin and his Redskins came out of the gates with two dominant drives for touchdowns, including the second one which left me raving about how much of a warrior Griffin was after twisting his knee, limping to the huddle and throwing a touchdown on the next play.  Unfortunately it was not a sign of  awesomeness but rather a sign that things were going to start hobbling.  Shortly after that, Russell Wilson and his Seahawks started going on a tear and going into the 2nd half it was a tight game.  So there was potential that it was going down to the wire.  Much to the chagrin of everybody who wanted to watch an entertaining game, Griffin's knee was screwed up for the day and as was Washington's offense.  Washington couldn't get anything going and neither could Seattle, partially due to the kicker turning his ankle earlier (and the award for most hilarious injury to affect a game's trajectory goes there.)  Then we reached the point where Russell Wilson remembered that he was good and suddenly the game was over.  On the whole, it wasn't that bad of a game, but it also wasn't too good of a game.  After such a bad set of games it was way too little too late.

DC sports renaissance!  2013

So that was my weekend, and everybody else's who likes to watch the playoffs.  Let's hope that next weeks games are better, or at least the ones that are supposed to be entertaining actually live up to their billing.  I'm looking at you San Francisco-Green Bay and Atlanta-Seattle.

Messi Wins 2012 Ballon d'Or

Earlier today Barcelona's Lionel Messi, the little genius, was awarded the 2012 Fifa Ballon d'Or. Messi has now won this award four times in a row, a streak beginning with the 2009 Ballon d'Or. Soon Fifa will change the name of this award to the "Lionel Messi" award, a fitting name since the Argentine is the only player allowed to win the award. Coming into today the field of eligible recipients had been narrowed down to Cristiano Ronaldo, Andres Iniesta, and the paragon of excellence that is Lionel Messi.

The Fifa Ballon d'Or is a combination of the Fifa World Player of the year award and the Ballon d'Or award, commonly known as the European Footballer of the World award. The Ballon d'Or was presented to the European player who was deemed to have performed the best over the past calendar year. The Fifa World Player of the year was awarded to the best player in the world. With the merging of the two awards, the new criteria for winning the award changes each year to fit the accomplishments of Barcelona's Hobbit-like forward, Lionel Messi.

Can you believe I won again?

In 2010, Dutch, attacking midfielder, Wesley Sneijder was an integral part of Inter Milan's success as well as Holland's. Sneijder led Inter Milan to a treble winning season, winning the Copa Italia, the Italian Serie A, and the Champions League. Sneijder's Inter even eliminated the little genius' squad from the Champion's League in the semi-final stage. Not even the greatest team in the history of everything could keep Inter away from the treble. Later in 2010 Sneijder reached the World Cup final with Holland, again playing an integral role. Holland did lose to Spain in extra time in that final, but Messi's Argentina was bounced from the competition when Germany romped them 4-0 in the knockout stages. However, Messi still won the Ballon d'Or in 2010.

Then in the 2010-2011 season Messi's Barcelona finished first in La Liga and won the Champions League. Meanwhile Cristiano Ronaldo's Real Madrid finished second in La Liga, but the hated Portuguese led the league in scoring. Naturally Messi won the award because of the success his team enjoyed and his large goal tally. However, in the 2011-2012 campaign Real Madrid dominated La Liga, earning over 100 points and scoring a large quantity of goals. The goal distribution at Real Madrid is not nearly as lopsided as Barcelona. Cristiano Ronaldo scored 46 league goals while getting good inputs from teammates such as Karim Benzema. Messi, scoring 50 league goals that year and 73 overall (13 more than Cristiano Ronaldo's 60 total goals) won the Ballon d'Or. When Messi scores a ton of goals and wins the Copa del Rey, that's the criteria for winning the Ballon d'Or. When Cristiano Ronaldo scores a ton of goals and wins the Copa del Rey in 2010-2011 campaign, it's not good enough.

This award belongs to me

There is no surprise that the little genius that is Lionel Messi won the 2012 Ballon d' Or. Messi scored a ton of goals and didn't win La Liga or the Champions League. The criteria for winning the 2012 Ballon d'Or was breaking Muller's goals in one calendar year record, a record that no one ever spoke about until the very later stages of 2012. Fifa has already declared that the criteria for next year's award is to "be Lionel Messi." If Cristiano Ronaldo scores 527 goals in 2013, he will not win the award because people do not like him. Fifa continuously puts Cristiano Ronaldo in the final three for consideration in hopes of making him cry after seeing Messi receive the award year after year. Robin van Persie, the man who carried Arsenal last season and led the English Premier League in scoring was not a final three contestant because he is not Lionel Messi and he does not play for Barcelona or Real Madrid.

The 2014 Ballon d'Or final three have already been decided upon: Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, and someone who has no chance in hell to win the award. Well, make that Lionel Messi and two people that have no chance in hell to win the award, one which will be Cristiano Ronaldo. Messi has won this new Ballon d'Or four out of the five years it has been in existence, but Fifa officials still cannot figure out how he did not win in 2008. What a travesty that was.

Let's all congratulate Lionel Messi for winning the 2012 Ballon d'Or, and while we're at it, congratulations on winning the 2013 Ballon d'Or, too. He really is a little genius.

Hope for Running Quarterbacks in the National Football League

Over the last decade or so, the quarterback position in the National Football League has evolved into a position not only for throwing the football, but also for running it. Arguably the most influential pioneer of running quarterbacks is Michael Vick, who made running his primary directive while quarterback at Virginia Tech. No quarterback has or did run the football quite like Vick, who would take off on captivating runs down the field using his blazing speed and agility to evade tackles.

However the running quarterback has not found much success in the National Football League outside of establishing quarterback rushing records and winning a few games. Not even the great Michael Vick could use his admirable skill set to outrun and juke out professional thugs, such as Ray Lewis, as a means of winning games. The quarterbacks winning the National Football League's greatest prize, the Super Bowl, continue to be quarterbacks who can throw the ball. Trent Dilfer is an exception, but he sure was not a running quarterback. For the most part quarterbacks such as Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, and Drew Brees win Super Bowls. Or you get ridiculously lucky by heaving the ball in the air like Eli Manning. Nonetheless, none of the aforementioned quarterbacks are known as running quarterbacks.

The defenses in the National Football League consist of the best of the best. These guys will kill you. Despite the lack of success in the National Football League for running quarterbacks, college football remains rife with these clowns. Coaches with running quarterbacks and National Football League teams scouting and contemplating drafting running quarterbacks must begin thinking of ways to make the running quarterback more successful where it counts: in the National Football League. Absorbing National Football League hits over the course of a National Football League season is the job of players who are not the quarterback. However, there may be one method that will revolutionize the National Football League and see running quarterbacks become legitimate threats.

Observational studies of pickup football games (whether tackle, two-hand touch, flag, or any other variation of the game played in the National Football League) have shown that quarterbacks yelling "Michael Vick, Michael Vick!" as they pull the football down to run average a great deal more yards per carry and are far less likely to get injured or suffer a concussion than counterparts who yell something else or remain silent. The theory behind this method is that yelling "Michael Vick, Michael Vick!" as the quarterback goes into a run channels the inner Virginia Tech Michael Vick, thus allowing the quarterback to pull off amazing runs, avoid injury, and even win games.

The "Michael Vick technique" is still in experimental stages, but don't be surprised if this new technique starts showing up in National Football League preseason games. Current National Football League quarterbacks considering implementing the "Michael Vick" technique into their game include Tim Tebow, Colin Kaepernick, Vince Young, and Michael Vick himself.

Michael Vick, Michael Vick!

Of course this technique is only suitable to quarterbacks who run often. Asking a quarterback of Tom Brady's stature to implement this technique would be down right silly, he can already win games and no one should assume that he even knows who Michael Vick is.

Did not call "Michael Vick, Michael Vick!"

Usually rushing is left to the running back, but if that's not working the Michael Vick technique is sure to catch fire sooner or later. Keep an eye out for the Michael Vick technique, and when it comes around watch those running National Football League quarterback's yards per carry go up and injuries go down.